Jealousy

hey...eceli..sori for tonight...i knew that i'm quiet busy and because of that we've only had a little chit-chat at the beginning...actually u did guess right..something was not right with me..slowly answering all of ur mssges,seems no mood for a chit-chat aite?,,sorry dear...actually i really had a headache...but not only because of the math that i've tangled in...it was because i'm dealing with a jealousy inside myself...u've oftenly said to me that u'll try as best as u can to understand me..so do i...i'm trying so hard last night to seek a rationale-awareness inside my self..i'm struggling with it...because of what?...why did i get through all of the mental pain? i just want to search for a rational deep inside of me..i need it syg..need it to overcome a force that we call jealousy...yah..it's true that i really2 do not want you to go to that fucntion...i'm afraid syg...afraid of those buaye...i'm not saying that i didnt trust you..infact i trust you with all my heart...n never ever in my life before i trust someone else except my mother like i'm trusting you....it's just..knowing that there are lots of them who are waiting to 'baham' u...

i'm so jealous of them..jealous because they have the chance to stare at your beautiful eyes...meet with u...have a face 2 face conversations with u syg...and i'm here...at the edge of the world...so far from you...only being able to look at our pics that we took together...hearing your voice on the phone....maybe i'm just too afraid of losing you syg...

syg..i know this jealosy thingy is very sensitive and very dangerous...i know because of it...married couple had to went through divorce...couple had to break their relationship....i know and understand it...i just want you to know what ii've felt...please dunt take it seriously...i'm not a king control...deciding who you should be friends with or what you should do...i know that i shouldn't doubt your loyalty to me...it's just...mayb i'm just a-like-to-worry-so-much type of geek...so there was me..finding my strength to think rationally and act like one...that's why i've had a little headache and to make things became worsen...when i knew about the G n the stupid sr of yours who tried to flirt with you...the pain was deep...it's like a sword slicing my heart into 88 pieces....thus making me lost a little interest in our chat..sorry syg...sorry..but do not worry my syg...i've managed to gather my rational n as a normal human being..i try to understand the matter wisely...fortunately i managed to thought like a rationale human being and managed to put aside my jealousy...so dont worry my syg..u may go...go with no remorse k...i just want you to know that...i love you so much syg...